Just when you thought you knew someone

he goes and Favres us all. Well Favre you motherfavrer! Ugghh. I was certain a certain someone was coming back since he last declared retirement, 100% no doubt about it. Why would he then ask for his release from the New York Jets, meet with Minnesota coaches, undergo shoulder surgery, look for homes in Minnesota and then opt out- -why? What the fuck is wrong with this man? Did he just NOW realize that he sucks? Literally for 3 months this fucking asshole has been taking up space on ESPN daily and his newest retirement speech states that it is over but if someone called Nov 1. that "who knows" - Nice fucking retirement speech Brett. So if the NFL season was 8-10 weeks long instead of 16-19 you'd be all over that shit? Get the Favre out of here. You know who is doing it and has been doing it the last 5 years and not waffling on leaving? 39 year old Jeff Garcia. Don't get me wrong, Jeff Garcia sucks too but he's happy to do it. All I'm asking is that you just stay in Miss-ippi this time... you god damn Favrehole.

More to come

Another not too mentioned sublot of the Clutz trade. - - Chicago's offensive coordinator is Ron Turner. Ron Turner used to be the head coach at the University of Illinois. The Clutz wanted to play for Illinois coming out of high school as he was a lifelong Bears fan but Ron Turner laughed in his face telling him there was no room at Illinois for a wannabe like Jay Cutler. The Clutz moved on to Vanderbuilt where he proceeded to never break the .500 barrier as a starting quarterback but somehow got drafted 11th overall by Denver. Denver now trades him to Chicago where the offensive coordinator has already personally rejected him. Ha! Jay wasn't good enough for Illinois but Chicago mortgaged their future to get him under center... Smells like desperation to me... Rot in mediocrity Jay, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Swoopo

For those of you who are not aware (Brian) there is a website www.swoopo.com that is fucking crazy. I've seen Nintendo Wii's sell for LESS than $5. I missed out on an ounce of gold today for less than $50 becasue I had to let my cat inside the house (that fuckin bastard, from now on I'm rubbing his belly when he comes around until he gets used to that fact! - he really hates that) There are Mac books that sell for $30 or less, 72" televisions that go for $500, all kinds of bullshit. It's not a free for all but you won't find a better casino anywhere (sans poker) 

Josh McDaniels = Genius

So I was watching the news last night, it happened to be the local Fox News syndicate (to get the most informative and unbiased opinions as possible, -what else) and of course their lead sports story was the Jutler Saga. They opened the piece playing music you would hear in a funeral home and explained how their former Hall of Fame head coach (who everyone has hated here the last 5 years anyways) got canned  in favor of the 32 year old JMD. They then played an old Pat Bowlen interview where he was talking about Jutler having the chance to be every bit as good as the immortal (John Elway for those unfamiliar). After this they cut a 2 second sound bite from a much longer interview where McDaniels said "age doesn't matter" and then proceeded to make JMD look like a fucking moron. They informed me that Jay Cutler was "sent packing" while showing highlights of him throwing touchdown passes to numerous receivers (instead of highlights of him throwing picks). They wanted me to feel bad for the poor Jay Cutler.... There was only one problem, I actually knew the story!!! Those fucking idiots along with every other fucking idiot out here ought to be heaping praise or throwing gold at JMD. Was Fox not aware of the fact Jay Cutler has asked to be traded TWICE this offseason- once when Shanny got canny-ed and once when JMD indirectly told him he sucks? Did they miss the part where he refused to answer the phone calls of the man that signs his checks or the man in charge of teaching him the new offense? I was hoping the Shitler would get stuck in Detroit, that would have taught him but Chicago works just as well for me.

For starters, as much as he is a whiny piece of shit bitch, he would vastly improve the qb position for any team not named New England in the AFC East. I'm happy he's not throwing to T.O. or taking orders from Parcells. I'm exceptionally happpy that he is not a Jet which ensures a sub .500 record for the 747's next season. He automatically throws Chicago to the top of the terrible NFC North.... But what about the Vikings you say? But what about nothing. The ever sly Brad Wearsadress thought a 4th rounder and spice was better than a 1st to build a castle. Throw in the fact his defensive line will be suspended 4 games this September and the fact the Vikings always squander a division lead rather than make up ground and it's easy to see a 7-9 finish for the purple. Obviously Detroit is nowhere close and Green Bay decided they wanted to play a 3-4. This leaves a two team race for the North and I think it's due time Brad gets canned and for that to happen the Vikes will need to miss the playoffs. You can guarantee that will happen! (The last time I thought this exact same thought the coach was Tom Coughlin and it was August 2007, maybe you should lay your money on Minny after all).

Back to the topic at hand... Josh McDaniels has to remind you of another hoodie wearing coach with moves like these. He takes a player he didn't want to begin with, but instead of GIVING UP their 1st rounder for Matt Cassel they get rid of the interception machine and GAIN TWO #1's, a #3, and get a qb who is probably better suited to the offense than Clutz anyways. (I'm still trying to settle on what Jay's nickname should be, sorry) Now this year the Broncos have 5 of the top 85 selections and two of the top 32 next year...Sound familiar? JMD gets 3 good picks and a starting qb that has a better W-L record than the man they traded? How is this not anything other than FUCKING AWESOME FOR THE BRONCOS??? They have holes all over their defense and instead of losing a first round pick they have THREE? 

The picks. Denver has to make good on the picks acquired for this deal to turn out as a win. B.J. Raji failing a drug test has to remind you of another 300 pounder from Miami that had the same fate occur. It dropped him out of the top 5 and even top 10 picks. I'll give you a minute............... Warren Sapp anyone? Obviously smoking pot didn't have too much effect on his Hall of Fame career. Whereas Raji wouldn't have been around at #12 if the draft happened 2 weeks ago, he now will be. Anyone that says Denver will package #12 and #18 to move up for one of the 3 sheep quarterbacks is laughable. The best qb from this class is named Pat White and he will be around in Round 2, if Denver wants to upgrade over Orton (which I don't think they will) White is the pick. Denver is going to load up on defense, their draft should yield 1 or 2 defensive linemen, 1 or 2 lb's, a cb, s, and offensive lineman. Josh should know the blueprint, he has his skill players so getting the defense shored up will be a priority for the Donkeys. I have questioned JMD's free agent signings (a couple of running backs, one named JJ Arrington?- that should put the writing on the wall for the stable of 7 that ran wild last year) but every new coach is gonna have a high turnover so now time will tell. Denver does not need any more qb's, what they have on offense should be able to compete for the division, defense is the need and defense is what Denver shall get. 

buzzed driving is NOT drunk driving

If I ever win a mega lottery (takehome of 80 million or more, so a $160,000,000+ jackpot) I'm gonna blow $10M on pro drunk driving and pro marijuana campains. I mean the slogan "Buzzed Driving Is Drunk Driving" is bullshit. That's why it's called "buzzed" driving and not "drunk" driving, the words mean two different things. What if I'm buzzed on crack or paint chips? What if I'm a bee? Then I'm always buzzed... Anyways I just wanted to tell mothers against drunk driving to go fuck themselves.

Sorry for the delays

I was afraid I would neglect my blog at some point and March was that point. It was my birthday, I'm lazy, my friends were in town, I'm also lazy, then I had to do my taxes and get drunk, plus I'm lazy. There's lots to talk about and as the draft nears I'm sure the football content will ramp up, first and foremost the Butler. There will also be considerable bashing on teams that have their head so far up somebody's ass they don't even know who it is anymore.

When you rent from Jonathon Vilma, you better pay on time!

Cops are investigating whether two Bronx immigrants were executed in former Jet linebacker Jonathan Vilma's million-dollar Long Island condo before their bodies were dumped in Brooklyn and Queens, sources said yesterday. Neighbors called cops Thursday night after hearing two shots fired in the unit -- part of the posh, gated Eagle Chase complex in Woodbury --after five men drove up in a car and a Ford F- 150 truck. The men, including one who iden tified himself as Vilma's cousin, had everything they needed to enter the 99-unit luxury compound -- the password, the electronic gate opener and the keys to Vilma's home, said a condo-board member who asked to remain anonymous. Police are looking for the man who claimed to be Vilma's cousin. Vilma, who now plays for the New Orleans Saints and is trying to sell the condo, is not believed to be a target of the investigation, but cops want to talk to him about who might have been using the home, according to law-enforcement sources.

Commercials these days

So apparently the thought of a man resurrecting from the dead gives chocolate bunnies the urge to fuck jars of peanut butter. Wow. At least now I know what to give up for Lent. Instead of the standard nothing like I do every other year, this year I'm giving up peanut butter so I don't get butt-ganked by a pack of horny easter bunnies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLKmr-tS9yU

By the way, if you don't know what song is playing (like the people in the comments section) I think you should be drug out of your bed while you are sleeping -by a horse. This horse will drag your bleeding but alive body down 5 flights of stairs (this is a special horse that can walk down stairs) to town sqaure where you will have feces smeared all over your body, be soaked in turpentine and lit on fire. While you are on fire we will dangle your writhing body 6 inches above a tank of water, just enough so you can put out the flames on your feet. Fucking morons. All you would have to do is google the phrase "let's get it on"!!! 

Is there anyone in the world uglier than....

That's a nice mustache... If you are a 15 year old mexican.

What the fuck!? Was Marshawn Lynch hit by a train when he was younger? Maybe he was pistol-whipped one too many times, or maybe the Buffalo Bills just have a curse at running back.... Bet you've never thought of that... It goes WAY back - - - O.J. Simpson anyone? Willis McGahee? You don't go to 4 consecutive Super Bowls and not win one of them without some kind of an evil goat type curse. At least I see Marshawn invested his signing bonus in the gold market... That will be helpful during September 2009 when Mr. Lynch is sending his game checks to the league office for disciplinary reasons.

Honorable mention...

Jay (shoulda been a) Butler

Every Bronco fan in Broncoland seems to be up in arms over JMD, apparently he needs his head examined. Less than 2 months in to the new campaign Denver-ites want to spill former Patriot blood like it's France circa 1793 (name the beheaded...). How could he want a backup quarterback over the immortal pro bowler Jay Cutler?
The Butler says he is hurt by the transgressions. He can't possibly understand how a new head coach could want a player on the trading block, a player that helped give him his head coaching job. Unfathomable. What the FUCK is he thinking? Everyone in Denver has become convinced that Jay Cutler is the second coming of Tommy Botox, I mean Jake Dummer, er John Schmellway. Jay does have a great arm but he uses it to throw passes to the wrong team- the only person who threw more interceptions than The Butler last year was old man time.
Jutler's qb rating was 86.0, Cassel's was 89.4. Matt threw 10 more touchdown passes than picks, Cutler - 7 more touchdowns than picks. Jay threw 4 more interceptions last year than he did his first year starting - he's not getting better he's getting worse! Matt Cassel went 11-5, Jay has never been better than .500 - why is Josh McDaniels crazy again? I think he would be crazy for wanting a Brett Farve Jr. without as much skill.
Cutler is almost like McDaniels' Drew Bledsoe. Golden arm, tough guy (unlike Drew though Jay is only physically tough, not mentally), he's a fan favorite/the franchise but maybe not the best fit for the type of offense the patriots (and now the Broncos) run... We will see. If you would have asked me which qb I wanted more in October 2008, I easily say Jay Cutler over Matt Cassel. Jay got worse as the year went on, Matt got better and my opinion has swayed, I would also rather have Matt over Jay but it doesn't matter because it didn't happen. Time will tell I guess but JMD is definitely not crazy. If anything this says that nobody on the team is untouchable and they better step up and play or they will be gone. It's time to earn your paychecks in Denver again fellas...

The scoop

Just wanted to post that Matt Cassel has been officially traded to the Kansas City Chiefs! Terms have not yet been disclosed, but eat your heart out ESPN and Mike Reiss, you wish you had sources like mine heh?

Some random thoughts... (drunk)

Are there any homeless people that don't smoke cigarettes? I mean I haven't gone around collecting market data yet but...

Do I actually remember HBO televising an "alien" autopsy in the mid 1990's or has my regression therapy been a waste of money?

I think Nascar drivers should all be blindfolded and the first to make it to 10 laps wins!

If a monkey can learn sign language, how come George Bush can't learn English?

Why hasn't someone made a "glow-in-the-dark" car yet?

If some fuckin hillbilly hasn't killed Bigfoot yet, he never will.

I wish I could be haunted by a ghost. A really pissed off, mean, murdered ghost. The kind that has the ability to make shit in the room move because it's that angry. I would pull up a seat and laugh my fucking ass off at it while calling it ghost names. Stupid ghosts.

Anyone know what happened to "Dobber" from Coach?

I also wonder if A.C. Green has gotten laid yet...

Would people buy "I can't believe it's not butter" if it were just called "Not Butter"? (Well what the fuck is it then?)

At some point, at some time, someone has drank Nair.

Where can I buy Northern Malt Liquor?

If I could go back in time to give a caveman just one thing...... I'm pretty sure it would be my middle finger!

Jump in the water, fuck getting a soda at work...

"If we look at 1995, for example, the most recent year for which I was able to find an accounting of deaths due to vending machine tipovers. Two people died as a result of being crushed by falling soda machines in the US as compared to zero shark-related deaths in the same 12 month period.Moreover, according to the US Consumer Product Safety Commission there were 37 known vending machine fatalities between 1978 and 1995, for an average of 2.18 deaths per year. Over the past decade there were a total of six recorded shark attack fatalities in the U.S., for an average of .6 deaths per year.
Ergo, barring a drastic reduction in the frequency of vending machine accidents since 1995, vending machines are indeed more deadly than sharks by a factor of almost four!"


I think I may make a t-shirt to raise awareness....

Brett Farve dodges offseason workouts again!

Brett Favre had to make a decision in February? WTF!? Don't put too much pressure on the old man, his ticker might burst. Just like the rest of us though, Brett makes his big life decisions while murdering unsuspecting 4 legged creatures.  After a blood filled weekend of blowin shit up he decides that exercising from March through June just isn't his thing... No shit? He usually decides in May if he wants to play football or run around like Rambo in those Missippi backwoods (I know how to spell it). I'm thinking he's forcing the Jets hand now to force it again later, after the Jets find their 2009 signal caller I think that damn right elbow of his will start to itch. I think he wants to play in Minnesota or Chicago so he can swing his Favreian dick around in front of his old faithful. Since the Jets will hold his rights when he wants to play again and since they will have already moved on to another qb (Jeff Garcia anyone?) they will be forced to cut him allowing him to sign wherever he wants. I don't think Lovie Smith will want him becuase a big part of the reason he got his head coaching job in Chicago was because he was a Favre Killer, Brett was like 2-7 against Lovie coached teams including a 6 interception performance in a playoff game, which leaves the Vikings who will hopefully already have Matt Cassel therefore foiling Brett's plan MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The only way Brett is retired is if he can't get into Minnesota or Chicago in June. The old lazy bastard never went through offseason workouts, why would he start now? 

Fast Food

Since I am hungry and want to procrastinate hopping my ass off the couch, I thought I would share my favorite bullshit food with the world. Exactly why I want to do this I don't know. I guess I do a lot of things for no reason...

(Subject to change)

1. Wendy's
Deadly Dave's might not have cracked the top 3 one month ago because I never went to this turdburger until recently and let me tell you what. Wendy's is a lard-oiled machine!
After you order they make you pay at the first window and from that point on, if you don't order a drink you don't even have to hit your brakes! Your bag is basically dangling out the window waiting for your outstretched arms to grab it. If I were homeless I would stalk the Wendy's drive thru. Of course who isn't getting a drink when one of the options is a $1 frosty? Are you fucking serious? Get outta here! They claim the top spot after getting a cheap "spicy chicken" option on the menu. Before this their .99 chicken sandwhich just didn't cut it and their other spicy chicken option was a 6 dollar disaster. Who gives a fuck about square burgers! I'm sure they suck too. If the only thing you order is a frosty it is still worth the trip.

2. Taco Bell?
Other than the fact that some of the menu options are a one way ticket to diarrheaville, this place is fuckin great! I could eat a chicken chalupa once a day at least 3 times a week, double that if I am drinking heavily that week. Their cheesy potatoes are a gift from God, what more proof do you need that there is something looking out for your well being? I prefer a TB (that's short for tuberculosis bacillus) quesadilla to that of say Q-Blowdah or Chibloatley. Their hot sauce is not to be denied and who else stocks a soda called Mountain Dew Baja Blue? I still order their spicy chicken crunchwrap supreme knowing full well where I will be for 15 minutes the next morning. (Why are they #2?)

3. Burger King
Onion rings and hershy pie alone should probably put them at #2 but sometimes burger king just sounds fucking horrible. I'm always up for a TB quesadilla or cheesy tots if undecided on which shithole to eat from. If you've ever found part of a chicken hoof in your sandwhich you'll know why BK is #3, there's nothing like a good crunch that may or may not have broken off part of a tooth. The tyrant also tried cooking mozz. sticks but somehow fucked that up, and their chicken parmesan has been turned down by homeless people who haven't eaten for days. Their fish sandwhich is oh-so average and sometimes unfinishable because it may or may not contain chicken. After Burger King coined the word baggler it was all downhill, the messages they print on their bags is beyond stupid and Frosty's are BK malts' wet dream.

4. Who needs a 4th? I'm fuckin hungry already.

Matty Franchise

Well that didn't take long. So much for actually wanting Matt to be the backup quarterback next season. Everytime the Patriots have franchised a player there has been 6 days or less before time ran out, this time it was the first minute we had the chance. No fucking around or beating around the bush in 2009. The Mortimer reported on Disney that he thinks Matt is gonna be sticking around... No way. This says right off the bat that if you want a quarterback this offseason we have the best and you are allowed to start negotiating 3 weeks early! The Pats know Matt is the commodity to have. The best college qb prospects both leave 1 year of eligibility on the table which usually does not translate to instant success in the NFL, actually it maks the % of first year success very low. Matt got better as the year went on and more film became available of him. He probably won't cost as much financially as picking a qb in the top 5 and he is already considered a model citizen, will Matt Stafford blow up on a reporter like Ryan Leaf? Probably not, but we know Matt Cassel won't. His value his highest now, the scouting combine hasn't taken place, and a team signing Matt now allows him to particiapate in all of that teams offseason activities. Trying to trade him in July or August when teams already have their plans in place would yield far less activity.
The Patriots may try to negotiate in the coming weeks to actually find a contract that would allow Matt to be the backup quarterback, but I guarantee they will not carry a $29,000,000 cap charge for one position, it just isn't the Patriot way. This means one of the 2 quarterbacks is gone and it won't be Tom Brady leaving like Drew Bledsoe did in 2002. We will also not be trading Matt within the division to the Jets unafraid that he could beat us like we did with Drew. However, if the Jets are willing to give up 2 first round picks we would have to or match the offer. I don't see a new coach that doesn't have first hand experience of the border war shelling out 2 valuable #1's he will need to get his transition going.
I ultimately see the Pats getting a first rounder and a 2 or a 3, maybe both. Matt Schaub went for two second round picks and he had about 50 less quarters under his belt meaning at least one of those picks for Cassel should be a #1 and I'm sure Bill will point to this trade when speaking with teams. The Pats could also try to go after a veteran qb this offseason if they feel O'Connell isn't ready to hold the fort down, even if for a month. Tom himself started early in his 2nd season after being the 4th qb in his rookie season. Since O'Connell was the #2 last year he got more practice snaps his rookie year than Tom did. I don't think it'll matter though, Tom will be ready by September, if Carson Palmer can make it in 8 months Tom can do it in 11.
Hopefully Bill reaches out to Jim Schwartz, when Jimmy was hired by the Lions he all but admitted he wanted to give Bill a blowjob and he would probably shell out whatever Bill told him to. Scott Pioli in Kansas City has the #3 pick but I don't see him giving his old boss a bargain when he is obviously most concerned with making his own name. I'm confident the Chiefs are going to go with Thigpen, why wouldn't they? The Thigster looked really good at times, he's cheap and Pioli can build on that! Plus if he doesn't work out the qb class is much better in 2010. Scott knows the Chiefs won't be rebuilt in one year. So who does this leave? - - - Bears, Lions, Vikings, (the entire NFC North if Green Bay wasn't stupid) Buccaneers, Panthers, Jets, and maybe the 49ers who may or may not be happy with Shaun Hill. The Bears might be snortin too much Orton to join the party, the Lions proabably don't want to shell out the #1 overall pick, but they also have the #20 and a few extra 2nd or 3rds. The Vikings should be the team jumping all over him, but they just went the trade for a franchise player route last year with Jared Allen. Tampa Bay may feel Cassel could be the future but once again I don't see a new coach giving up multiple picks for one player, I see that type of thing coming from a coach who might not be around to use the picks anyways (coughburpfartbradchildressjohnfox) Jake Delhomme has to be shown the door in Carolina and John Fox hasn't won a playoff game since 2004 so his loyalty may be running low to Jake D. It should be fun to hear the rumors over the next few weeks...

I think I might be going insane. Clinically insane.

So I just purchased a 19-0 New England Patriots Super Bowl T-shirt. Yep, shopping online while high is very dangerous. Apparently since I'm not buying shots celebrating Patriot playoff touchdown after Patriot playoff touchdown I must fill the void left behind with shit. About 3 weeks ago I bought a Patriots wind spinner thing (http://www.nflshop.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2570327&cp=&kw=patriots+wind+spinner&origkw=patriots+wind+spinner&sr=1) to hang where the wind blows the most - in my apartment (of course I haven't got around to hanging it up yet). After watching Pittsburgh advance to the Super Bowl, when we always beat Pittsburgh in the AFC Championship Game must have triggered another void that was larger than the first. I decided to end my jersey curse and buy a defensive players jersey, because as we all know, Defense is what wins championships. Enter Jerod Mayo. And now tonight, the most pointless of purchases ever. Why in the fuck would I want a t-shirt reminding me of the worst day in sports history? Why? I dunno, can I blame drugs? I wasted 12.95 and you know what? I can't wait to get it, I'm gonna wear this fucker everywhere and tell everyone who gives me shit about it that I don't know what THEY'RE talking about! Hopefully I run into Mercury Morris or some other member of the 72' Dolphskins and convince them they are going senile, even though it's me who's lost my needles.

Dear USPS:

I'm sure by the time you read this it won't matter, and I guess it doesn't really matter anyways, but I just wanted to thank you for your awesome tracking option on the website. I'm so glad you decided to invest in that technology because it is righteous. I do however have just one suggestion that might make it even better... After typing your whoknowshowmanycharacters tracking number in, why not have the screen that pops up tell you where your package is? This would make that function fucking awesome! You would actually know where your package is. I think it would be much better than waiting 1 minute for a screen to come up and tell me my internet can't display the tracking page, fuck, I think the pony express probably had a better way to track a package by tying a note to a pigeons foot and hoping that the bird found it's way to the right house. Do you know what would be even better than a page that says "internet explorer cannot display this page"? Since everything else on your site works just fine and you refuse to even tell us if you are working on fixing the tracking feature; I'm just guessing you don't give a fuck about it, so why not instead make a screen pop up and say "Go fuck yourself, we don't even want to know where your package is, let alone deliver it to you. Hopefully someone has stolen it."

Cold day in New England

You know what I find funny -
Eric Ratgina named one of his children after Brett Farve! How'd that work out for you?
Scott Linehan turned down a job.
Herm Edwards still has one.
Pat Summerall was/is a raging alcoholic.
John Madden sounds like one.
Pizza Hut now has a "natural" marinara sauce. This means I've been forced to eat unnatural sauce my whole life... I should of known the "Book-It!" program was a trap.
Do people that can see ever read braile?
A cop giving a field sobriety test to a one legged drunk man - - - "take 9 hops and pivot"
This scene is also funny with a person in a wheelchair.
Arizona Cardinal fans burned messages into Donovan McNabb's lawn. You know the difference between Arizona and Philadelphia (besides the fact one is a state and the other a city)? The messages which were burned in Arizona were lame as fuck like "I (heart) AZ" and "Go Cards" whereas if someone in Philly did this to him it would probably say "you are dead motherfucker!"


I think all Texas wide receivers suck. Imagine if Limas Sweed dropped as much acid as he did footballs. At least there'd be an explanation.

Did you know that currently there are 2 head coaches in the NFL who have won the Super Bowl? Bill B. and that shitbag in charge of the smurfs. That's it and we all know it should only be 1. Sure, Mike Tomlin is soon to join them, but there are 32 teams and only 2 coaches have hoisted the trophy, that blows my fucking mind.

I have my first offseason prediction: The 2009 Buffalo Bills will finish 7-9.

A place for my rants...

Due to popular demand you may now come here to read my grumblings about sports (mostly football) and other life related material. Looks like Santa was pretty excited for the announcement. Right now though I'm not really pissed off about anything other than the draft order and how the Patriots got fucked by having to pick after 4 playoff teams. I could really care less about the playoffs, I hope all the teams tie after a combined 20 overtime quaters and the season is declared a wash. While we're onto January hopes... I hope the manning brothers choke on their oreos in their race to see what super-sports family reigns supreme. I hope Brett Farve decides to play 10 more years with the Jets. I hope Tom Brady knocks up Giselle and then dumps her too. Most of all I hope I win the lottery.
While I'm at it...At least Peyton has already choked this year. In January. Again, and this year Ty Law wasn't even involved. I believe that brings Peyton to a career record of 7-9 in the postseason... Anyone who wants to mention Brett Farve among the 5 best quarterbacks of all time doesn't know shit about football, was Cal Ripken one of the 5 best baseball players of all time? Fuck no. Both are beloved for just showing up to work everyday and earning their seven figure incomes. Brett Farve has been absolute garbage this whole century and I would love to see the Pats get to play him 2 more times next year. I will however, NEVER root for the Jets again. Not even if the Pats are dependent on them winning to get in the playoffs.
I will give it up to Bill Parcells, that piece of shit could have walked away from the Dolphins looking like god, holding 12 million dollars and free from further obligation, but he decided he hated Bill Belichick more. I also would like to wish Charkley the best. Hopefully his lawyer is good and all charges are dropped... Or, maybe a better idea would be for the charges to stick and have TNT fire him. That way HBO could come in and give him his own unrated show, which could be by far the greatest thing television will ever see. Let's hope.