I think I might be going insane. Clinically insane.

So I just purchased a 19-0 New England Patriots Super Bowl T-shirt. Yep, shopping online while high is very dangerous. Apparently since I'm not buying shots celebrating Patriot playoff touchdown after Patriot playoff touchdown I must fill the void left behind with shit. About 3 weeks ago I bought a Patriots wind spinner thing (http://www.nflshop.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2570327&cp=&kw=patriots+wind+spinner&origkw=patriots+wind+spinner&sr=1) to hang where the wind blows the most - in my apartment (of course I haven't got around to hanging it up yet). After watching Pittsburgh advance to the Super Bowl, when we always beat Pittsburgh in the AFC Championship Game must have triggered another void that was larger than the first. I decided to end my jersey curse and buy a defensive players jersey, because as we all know, Defense is what wins championships. Enter Jerod Mayo. And now tonight, the most pointless of purchases ever. Why in the fuck would I want a t-shirt reminding me of the worst day in sports history? Why? I dunno, can I blame drugs? I wasted 12.95 and you know what? I can't wait to get it, I'm gonna wear this fucker everywhere and tell everyone who gives me shit about it that I don't know what THEY'RE talking about! Hopefully I run into Mercury Morris or some other member of the 72' Dolphskins and convince them they are going senile, even though it's me who's lost my needles.

Dear USPS:

I'm sure by the time you read this it won't matter, and I guess it doesn't really matter anyways, but I just wanted to thank you for your awesome tracking option on the website. I'm so glad you decided to invest in that technology because it is righteous. I do however have just one suggestion that might make it even better... After typing your whoknowshowmanycharacters tracking number in, why not have the screen that pops up tell you where your package is? This would make that function fucking awesome! You would actually know where your package is. I think it would be much better than waiting 1 minute for a screen to come up and tell me my internet can't display the tracking page, fuck, I think the pony express probably had a better way to track a package by tying a note to a pigeons foot and hoping that the bird found it's way to the right house. Do you know what would be even better than a page that says "internet explorer cannot display this page"? Since everything else on your site works just fine and you refuse to even tell us if you are working on fixing the tracking feature; I'm just guessing you don't give a fuck about it, so why not instead make a screen pop up and say "Go fuck yourself, we don't even want to know where your package is, let alone deliver it to you. Hopefully someone has stolen it."

Cold day in New England

You know what I find funny -
Eric Ratgina named one of his children after Brett Farve! How'd that work out for you?
Scott Linehan turned down a job.
Herm Edwards still has one.
Pat Summerall was/is a raging alcoholic.
John Madden sounds like one.
Pizza Hut now has a "natural" marinara sauce. This means I've been forced to eat unnatural sauce my whole life... I should of known the "Book-It!" program was a trap.
Do people that can see ever read braile?
A cop giving a field sobriety test to a one legged drunk man - - - "take 9 hops and pivot"
This scene is also funny with a person in a wheelchair.
Arizona Cardinal fans burned messages into Donovan McNabb's lawn. You know the difference between Arizona and Philadelphia (besides the fact one is a state and the other a city)? The messages which were burned in Arizona were lame as fuck like "I (heart) AZ" and "Go Cards" whereas if someone in Philly did this to him it would probably say "you are dead motherfucker!"


I think all Texas wide receivers suck. Imagine if Limas Sweed dropped as much acid as he did footballs. At least there'd be an explanation.

Did you know that currently there are 2 head coaches in the NFL who have won the Super Bowl? Bill B. and that shitbag in charge of the smurfs. That's it and we all know it should only be 1. Sure, Mike Tomlin is soon to join them, but there are 32 teams and only 2 coaches have hoisted the trophy, that blows my fucking mind.

I have my first offseason prediction: The 2009 Buffalo Bills will finish 7-9.

A place for my rants...

Due to popular demand you may now come here to read my grumblings about sports (mostly football) and other life related material. Looks like Santa was pretty excited for the announcement. Right now though I'm not really pissed off about anything other than the draft order and how the Patriots got fucked by having to pick after 4 playoff teams. I could really care less about the playoffs, I hope all the teams tie after a combined 20 overtime quaters and the season is declared a wash. While we're onto January hopes... I hope the manning brothers choke on their oreos in their race to see what super-sports family reigns supreme. I hope Brett Farve decides to play 10 more years with the Jets. I hope Tom Brady knocks up Giselle and then dumps her too. Most of all I hope I win the lottery.
While I'm at it...At least Peyton has already choked this year. In January. Again, and this year Ty Law wasn't even involved. I believe that brings Peyton to a career record of 7-9 in the postseason... Anyone who wants to mention Brett Farve among the 5 best quarterbacks of all time doesn't know shit about football, was Cal Ripken one of the 5 best baseball players of all time? Fuck no. Both are beloved for just showing up to work everyday and earning their seven figure incomes. Brett Farve has been absolute garbage this whole century and I would love to see the Pats get to play him 2 more times next year. I will however, NEVER root for the Jets again. Not even if the Pats are dependent on them winning to get in the playoffs.
I will give it up to Bill Parcells, that piece of shit could have walked away from the Dolphins looking like god, holding 12 million dollars and free from further obligation, but he decided he hated Bill Belichick more. I also would like to wish Charkley the best. Hopefully his lawyer is good and all charges are dropped... Or, maybe a better idea would be for the charges to stick and have TNT fire him. That way HBO could come in and give him his own unrated show, which could be by far the greatest thing television will ever see. Let's hope.