Fast Food

Since I am hungry and want to procrastinate hopping my ass off the couch, I thought I would share my favorite bullshit food with the world. Exactly why I want to do this I don't know. I guess I do a lot of things for no reason...

(Subject to change)

1. Wendy's
Deadly Dave's might not have cracked the top 3 one month ago because I never went to this turdburger until recently and let me tell you what. Wendy's is a lard-oiled machine!
After you order they make you pay at the first window and from that point on, if you don't order a drink you don't even have to hit your brakes! Your bag is basically dangling out the window waiting for your outstretched arms to grab it. If I were homeless I would stalk the Wendy's drive thru. Of course who isn't getting a drink when one of the options is a $1 frosty? Are you fucking serious? Get outta here! They claim the top spot after getting a cheap "spicy chicken" option on the menu. Before this their .99 chicken sandwhich just didn't cut it and their other spicy chicken option was a 6 dollar disaster. Who gives a fuck about square burgers! I'm sure they suck too. If the only thing you order is a frosty it is still worth the trip.

2. Taco Bell?
Other than the fact that some of the menu options are a one way ticket to diarrheaville, this place is fuckin great! I could eat a chicken chalupa once a day at least 3 times a week, double that if I am drinking heavily that week. Their cheesy potatoes are a gift from God, what more proof do you need that there is something looking out for your well being? I prefer a TB (that's short for tuberculosis bacillus) quesadilla to that of say Q-Blowdah or Chibloatley. Their hot sauce is not to be denied and who else stocks a soda called Mountain Dew Baja Blue? I still order their spicy chicken crunchwrap supreme knowing full well where I will be for 15 minutes the next morning. (Why are they #2?)

3. Burger King
Onion rings and hershy pie alone should probably put them at #2 but sometimes burger king just sounds fucking horrible. I'm always up for a TB quesadilla or cheesy tots if undecided on which shithole to eat from. If you've ever found part of a chicken hoof in your sandwhich you'll know why BK is #3, there's nothing like a good crunch that may or may not have broken off part of a tooth. The tyrant also tried cooking mozz. sticks but somehow fucked that up, and their chicken parmesan has been turned down by homeless people who haven't eaten for days. Their fish sandwhich is oh-so average and sometimes unfinishable because it may or may not contain chicken. After Burger King coined the word baggler it was all downhill, the messages they print on their bags is beyond stupid and Frosty's are BK malts' wet dream.

4. Who needs a 4th? I'm fuckin hungry already.